Campaign - Banish Makeup Masks

oompa loompa

Yes, dear readers. Makeup Mask (Cosmetica Horrifica) is alive and well, and this reporter has personally witnessed two full scale outbreaks in the past week alone. It was horrible, it was terrifying, but I have to be brave, and do something to try to halt the rise of this phenomena. And so we are launching a campaign to educate and eradicate the orange curse from the populace.

This painful (to my eyes) and pernicious condition is thriving on our fair isle, and stalking the land with its frightening bright orange symptoms. There are two types of Makeup Mask - the shiny I-could-fry-a-pan-of-chips-on-it type, and the even more puzzling matte orange variety.

It's ignorance, pure and simple, that leads these poor girls to believe that emulating an Oompa Loompa is the way to go to achieve a maquillage of perfection. We need a nationwide education campaign instigated forthwith, so that another generation doesn't carry on the horrific example set by the one before. As an aside, accessorising your makeup mask look with a GAA jersey gets you even more nul points in the glamour stakes. Two wrongs, as we all know, do not make a right.

Ladies, when it comes to foundation and powder, less is very much more. And rule number one is always going to be - never put anything on your face that you'd use to also paint nuclear hazard signs with. Orange, well, it just isn't a good look. Unless of course, you suffer from an excess of beta carotene, or you are, in fact, one of Willy Wonka's reliable mini-aides. If not, then we at urge you to get out there and buy a foundation that actually matches your skin tone. Here's a handy check list of things to consider when buying

  1. Is it pitch dark outside? Perhaps wait till the morning to buy
  2. When made up, is your face a dramatically different colour than the rest of your skin? For example, does your hand look ghostly pale when held up to your glowing visage?
  3. Does your makeup stop in a weird arc before your hairline, leaving a pale tidemark betwixt mask and hair?
  4. Is pressed powder your very best friend?

If you answer yes to all or indeed, any of these check points - you need help. We're here for you ladies, as are cosmetic counters nationwide.

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