Corned beef legs? Beat 'em with the pale girl's alternative to tanning!

Leggy legs!

The intense competition for first place in the Fifty Fine Things poll proved that us Irish folk aren't too shabby in the looks department. Unfortunately, one of the main aspects of our traditional Celtic appeal is skin as pale as a newly white-washed cottages and that can prove to be problematic when it's time to ditch the 200 deniers.  Legs can look more suited to a corpse than to vibrant young lass.

Untreated, my pins are a medley of white, blue and pink when exposed to the spring winds. I've tried tanning but that's a bit drastic, isn't it? Changing your entire colour for the sake of showing some leg, and the scent isn't exactly an olfactory aphrodisiac.  To be honest it's all a bit of a faff.

My pale-girl preparation for some limb flashing starts before the shower with a little trick that has revolutionised my leg beautifying routine. I apply Veet hair removal cream, the sensitive option, to my legs and wait for it to work its magic. To remove it, I use scrubby gloves, rubbing my legs in circular motions. This is more effective that the old spatula method for two reasons; your hand is bigger that than inch-wide plastic do-hickey, so you remove all hair in less time and the exfoliating action of the glove removes dead skin - all in one fell swoop.

Pale Skin Routine Step 2: You will need..

When that's done, I use Buffy body bar by Lush. It'll make sure not a blade of dry skin is left uncared for and leaves a lovely smooth coating wherever it is used. If you're lazy like me, this two-in-one scrubbing and moisturising bar is a life saver for those times (wink, nudge) when you expect that somebody will touch your legs and you want to wow them with a kind of softness that'd shame the Andrex puppy himself into silence.

By this point, I'm usually happy with the state of my legs, brandishing them at my female friends saying "Feel them! Aren't they lovely? FEEL THEM!" and feeling very accomplished. Unfortunately, this smugness soon vanishes when the post-shower glow fades and I'm looking at what look like two pillars of corned beef.


Not a good look

Like I said above, even the lightest fake tan alters my colouring by about ten shades - way too noticeable for everyday wear. Not wanting to take my white skin from pasty to burned pastry, I decided that fake tan could sod off and that I'd give Mac Face & Body a whirl.

Obviously, I plumped for the lightest shade, C1, and parted with 36.50 for the 120ml bottle. After giving it a good shake, I squirted some out into my palm (I can picture CherrySue laughing at this statement, the durt burd) and rubbed it onto my legs.

Pale Skin Routine Step 3: Prep your MAC Face and Body C1 swatch

It really does get rid of Sunday ham tones and it sets, so no fear of it coming off on clothes or bedding. While I love how it evens up the colour of my legs without making them look like employees at Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory, it won't totally conceal any scars, stretch-marks or similar imperfections. I fully recommend it to folk like me who just need it to soften a deathly pallor, but look elsewhere if you want coverage that packs a punch!

So, have you unleashed your inner Spring queen and started to get your gams out?


Top Photo: Kait Jarbeau/Wikimedia


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