The realisation that my detox has been totally and utterly dis railed was hammered home on Saturday night. Draining my third Baileys (the most fattening drink on the planet), I discovered that the inside of the glass was full of dirty black cigarette ash. Sufficiently traquilised after a huge Chinese meal and a few vinos at a local restaurant I accepted a replacement Baileys and the explanation that the ash had somehow become baked onto the glass when it went through the pub dishwasher.
Never mind You Are What You Eat - I am now a candidate for How Clean is Your House. Filled to the brim as I was that night with fag ash, cream, wine, crispy duck, prawn crackers and er quite a few rum and cokes.
But to be honest I never got into a routine with this years detox and toxic things kept creeping back into my diet. Which means that those Christmas pounds are not creeping off anywhere.
A second cup of coffee? Sure why not. A chocolate biscuit? Oh, okay then. Having a rotten day? A bar of Dairy Milk sorts everything out. No time to cook? Cheese on toast is just so easy.
I told you of my lofty plans to detox last week and my determination to start using my brand new tube of Total Body Lift. But sure I never got around to it. Despite the fact that it really is my experience that good anti cellulite products do actually work to improve the look of orange peel. The skin massage and other techniques they use, combined with the ability of the cream to firm and tone skin makes everything look a lot better.
So today is Monday. Fresh start. I admit I had a big durty fry yesterday morning and now that's it. I mean it this time.
I'm going to do things properly. In comes the Clarins*, the body brushing and the cleaning up of my diet.
Mince Alors! proclaim Clarins on the product box. Move over orange peel - mince is the new word for cellulite.
*I will of course be updating you on how I get on with this