Perspiration Nation: You Know What Your 'Pits Need? Eye Patches, That's What. (Best Review You'll Read Today)

Jaysus. Working for can be both a blessing and a curse. Sometimes, I get to check out glorious new collections (like this one from Armani), and sometimes, I get to wear eye patches/mini sanitary towels on my armpits.

Yeah. You heard me.

We like product innovation here at HQ, and we also like laughing raucously at one another when we look completely stupid. So I was given the opportunity to try out this utterly ridiculous product.

These underarm pads are designed to prevent any perspiration patches in your clothing, and that isn't a bad idea. I don't at all wish to seem insensitive to anyone who has an issue with perspiration. It can make people self-conscious and affect self-esteem, and that's not something to joke about. That said, these patches are silly for more than one reason, and I definitely wouldn't be sporting them on MY armpits...again.


Right, so if you can get over the fact that they look like sanitary towels for a doll's hoo-ha (and I can't), they're essentially  big absorbent plasters with an adhesive strip all round the edge which is designed to absorb sweat. I have several issues with them, as you may have guessed. The absorbent underside has a really unpleasant plastic feel to it, and it doesn't feel breathable when you wear it. I felt hotter with these on, and I felt as though I was sweating more than I normally would. They also don't contain any deodorant, so things can get stinky under there. If I have to wear deodorant anyway, what is the point of these!?

Now, we're certainly not about shame here at We genuinely think that women should wear what they feel good in and look how they want, and NUTS to anyone who doesn't like it. That said, you might not like people seeing these underarm patches every time you wear short sleeves and lift your arms. If you don't mind that, then go ahead, but they look a bit like your underarm has a lazy eye.


I put these to the ultimate test. I wanted to see how much perspiration they could actually handle, so I wore them to my Jiu Jitsu class, in which I sweat a lot, exert myself like crazy and look like a small, plump, dyspraxic version of Conor McGregor, if he were absolutely crap.


Under the strain of serious sweat - YOU try grappling with a big dude and keeping your underarm sanitary towels intact - they moved. By the time I was an hour in, they were hanging off like weird skin tags and I had to go to the loo and fish them out of my sports bra. That is NOT attractive.

My last issue may not apply to everyone, but it does apply to some. As a woman, you may have noticed that there is hair on your body. It grows there all by itself. You can remove it or leave it as you prefer. 'Tis your choice and either one is totally fine. But you need to have hairless armpits to wear these patches. So if you don't shave, you can bugger off with your nasty smelly caveman pits. There's no room for you here. Bah.

If you genuinely have a problem with perspiration, there are lots of medicated anti-perspirants which work wonders and are available over the counter. If you have what you consider to be a really serious issue, then a trip to your GP might be best. At no point do you NEED underarm plaster thingies. If you want to use them, do. But they're by no means the only option.

Mondss are available online in a pack of ten (so that's five sets) at €9.99 plus postage. I can buy a seriously effective antiperspirant for around €8, and it will last around six months. Just...why?


Have you tried these? Any converts - I promise I won't bite? Or do you think this is one fad that you won't be buying into? To the comments!

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