"Jaysus this is bad. Will I do your beard too while I'm at it?"
Sometimes I wonder if there might actually be a module dedicated to talking utter rubbish on the beauty therapy curriculum, such are the incredible statements and one-sided conversations I've endured during treatments.
Without hesitation I can tell you that my absolute favourite clangers have come from the world of waxing. When my recent pre-holiday wax ran over the allotted time because of my therapist's obvious inexperience and the fact that she was paying more attention to the telly in the room than to my depilation, she apologised, said that we were 10 minutes over time, and then – rather than hope that she wasn't keeping me from another appointment – tried to excuse the delay by uttering the words “it's just that you're very, very hairy for such a little thing!”
I should have laughed in her face or told her to eff right off, but I was so shocked that I just mumbled a muffled “mmm-hmmph.”
Then, of course, there's the classic “you feel so much cleaner down there when it's done, don't you?” which usually comes half-way through a Brazilian. I think it's probably supposed to be reassuring, to let you know that it'll all be worth it in the end, but to be honest I find it mildly insulting.
Maybe I'm easily offended, but one of these days I'm going to turn on someone and ask her if what the hell was so wrong with my “before.”
Oversharing is common, too: my friend Denise once had a gorgeous treatment that was somewhat overshadowed by the therapist explaining that her friend used to do her hair until she thought that the therapist had shifted her fella and subsequently boxed the head off said therapist.
I'm sure lots of you have had similar experiences, so please do share the sh*t beauty therapists and hairdressers have said to you in the comments!