Black vibrator falls out of bag at wedding

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It fell out of my bag and went skidding across the floor in the middle of the speeches.

There was an audible gasp - I'm not joking

"What is THAT?" people were whispering. "Is that a..?"

"No!" I hissed to the table of sniggering wedding guests. "It's a hair straightener. A cordless one."

Everyone had a few dozen drinks on board at that stage.

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"Haha no one believes you" laughed a guy at my table. An old friend and a major smartarse.

"It's a drizzly day and I was afraid of frizz," I whispered to the girl beside me. She patted my hand sympathetically.

I had to spend the rest of the wedding straightening the curly hair of random guys to prove that that was indeed the function of the black object. Oh everyone had a great old laugh

But listen now and listen good. Never ever transport a cordless straightener in a clutch bag with a dodgy snap fastening. Or you'll be so sorry

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