Round about this time every year, I begin to snort with laughter at the earnest endorsements for magic swimwear that will make you look instantly smaller due to clever two-way elastic, slimming panels, corsetry, uplifting doo-hickeys and ruching around the stomach area.
Yeah, yeah - like, that's all grand, swimwear makers, I don't believe you, nice try and all that - BUT WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT MY GIANT WHALE LEGS? Unfortunately, due to the fact that a swimming costume ends at the arse, its inability to cover the area many women are unhappiest about is utterly glossed over by manufacturers.
Cosmetic companies devote billions to getting us to address our lumpen thighs but it's our pot bellies and boobs that aren't hoiked up over our shoulders that swimwear firms want us to be really worried about. No, no. Sorry guys, I don't give much of a fig about the belly and the boobs. I always buy one-pieces so both bits are covered by togs, ergo they are away from prying eyes. It's my pins I'd like a solution for.
I did see a suit in Marks and Spencer with a cute little short skirt attachment to the sides, which would help a little - but really, for me, my ideal would be Victorian swimming costume, constructed from sturdy serge material; to the ground. It would help give the illusion that self is woman of mystery. And also slim legs.
Advertised
So that is why, this year, I am seriously considering buying a Nigella-alike Burkini. Yes, poor Nigella got roundly slagged for appearing in her black all-in-one on the beach in Australia but I can't have been alone in thinking "I so would."
Because I so would.
Would you?
Pic via realityravings.com
