Three Day Juice Detox: Grumpy Cat Mutation, Weight Loss, Thoughts Of Selling Granny For Espresso

Blake Lively, Camilla Alves and our own Laura Whitmore are all advocates of the juice detox . We all know the hype and the hope. It gives your poor auld liver a well deserved break from dealing with nasty toxins, it can brighten complexion, increase energy and can kick start weight loss (Read Lynnie's Glowing Green Smoothie story).

So when my jeans recently began to feel tighter  I placed an order to have some juices delivered. Yes, I could have made my own but I suspected that I would blend Hob Nobs, hot chocolate and mint Aeros for breakfast.


I am no Gwyneth so I started with a three day detox with fresh juices being delivered daily at 6am. The early start added to my feeling of skinny angelic virtue.

There were six juices per day and each delivery brought a slightly different variation. Breakfast was a green mash up - think kale, parsley, green apples and cucumber. This was followed by a mid morning juice of tangy citrus and pineapple or an orange concoction of carrot, celery and ginger. Lunch was a soup - butternut squash, bean or pumpkin. The afternoon snack was a fruity punch of melon and mint, with dinner being another soup. And before you nodded off, there was a nutty and non-dairy smoothie to finish the day.



Day one was fine. I was full of enthusiasm and though I didn’t really enjoy the taste of anything except my lunch, I smugly sipped my way through 6kg of fruit and vegetables.

I woke up on day two with a foggy mind. Devoid of energy, I would have sold my granny for an espresso. I struggled with the beetroot and ginger soup for lunch and looked like the human embodiment of Grumpy Cat.

As I opened my courgette and chlorophyll breakfast on day three, I was convinced that I was beginning to photosynthesize. I sipped my juices and soups but my heart wasn’t in it. I was impatient and exhausted. The end was in sight so I stayed with it and collapsed at the dairy free finish line into bed.

When I took my measurements the next morning I found I'd lost four pounds and my tummy was definitely flatter. It also had unexpected effects. Post detox I only want a single espresso as opposed to my usual double. I notice I want to eat less. I had really missed the smell, the taste and the texture of food so I eat more slowly and savour it.

In hindsight I should have started with a one day detox. This would be manageable once a fortnight to keep on the digestive straight and narrow.  Some of the juices weren’t to my liking so next time I’ll make my own and that way I won’t be missing out on meals and end up fueling the mood swings instead of myself.


I will juice detox again, but in a much smaller way: I’ve even bought a blender.

Have you ever done a juice cleanse? Would you consider one or do you think you would also mutate into Grumpy Cat?

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