From Minimal Effort to Full-On Halloween Queen, We’ve Got Your Costume Sorted

It’s that time of year when we all need to decide what we want to be for Halloween. And in the name of all that is holy (or indeed unholy) it's so easy to give up before you even start.

A quick Google search comes up with about a thousand million sexy witches, sexy nurses, and bizarrely sexy Finding Nemos (just, no) – pricey, and not all that original (‘cept for these Halloween-themed sanitary towels which are plain bats).

And look, if you want to dress up as a sexy hamburger, well, I'd advise you to seek help.

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But what do you do if are more sane of mind and you want a fairly simple costume, without the Mean Girl-related slagging you’ll get if you do cheat and just don cat ears and team them uwith your LBD (though I suspect many of us we’ve done it)?

Fret not – I've compiled a list of potential Hallowe’en costumes. And even better, thanks to my love of organisation and anything to do with filing, I have listed them by category and effort level. I might just dress as a sexy filing cabinet at this rate.

Do It Yourself  (Effort Level: High)

Fancy being admired for your crafty nature (or at least your effort to be crafty – it was unfortunate that you glued your fingers together, but all in the pursuit of an excellent costume)? Look no further….

  • A Christmas tree

Before you discount this as being completely the wrong season, allow me to reveal that I have actually tried this one myself. I used a big bit of green fabric and made it into a poorly constructed cape, covered it in tinsel, baubles, and the like. My pièce de résistance? A string of those battery-operated lights from IKEA. It lit up and it was amazing.

Bonus: when I got too warm, I just removed the whole thing to reveal normal clothes underneath. And I had a headstart on the festive decorations shopping.

  • A Yeti

This is the antithesis to the sexy (insert any mundane object). It takes some time but you shred a lot of paper (hopefully scrap paper that would have been shredded anyway, on account of Al Gore and the environment and that – Keep it Green, Keep it Clean, folks). Then you cover yourself with it, and hope your mate doesn’t mind you shedding a bit all over the carpet. You'll look ridiculous but you'll get major brownie points for effort.

  • Facebook / Tinder / Twitter

Take a big (read: BIG) white piece of cardboard. Cut out a square for your face – this will be your ‘profile’. Then style in red with ‘Matches’, or blue with 140 characters, or add a ‘Like’ thumbs up as appropriate!! People will want to take their photo ‘in’ your costume all night (though don’t expect it to survive for next year…)



Inspiring Women (Effort Level: High)

Yes – they get their own category. Huzzah! This might be because I’m still annoyed about the sexy Indiana Jones costume for ladies that I saw on Google. Repeat after me - PVC does not mean sexy.

  • Rosie the Riveter

Denim shirt, red bandana, tonnes of red lippy, flex your muscles and you are set, lady! And if you want some red lippie tips, you'll find some great picks here.

  •  Amelia Earhart

Leather jacket, white scarf, some form of goggles, leggings – stick a fork in you, you’re all done.

  • Beyoncé

Some of you will not find her inspiring in the least but for those of you who do (or just want to publicly unveil the dance routine that's only been seen in the privacy of your own room for the last three years) fling on some sequins, long flip-happy hair (or demented fringe) and add strong stance. ‘Nuff said.

Heidi's costume in 2013. She is Halloween Queen. Heidi's costume in 2013. She is Halloween Queen.

One Prop You’re Done (Effort Level: Low)

If you are going to Heidi Klum's Halloween party then don't take any of the suggestions below. She probably won't let you in. But if you really can't be bothered putting any time into a costume but still want to pretend that you made some modicum of effort, then print this off and stick it to your fridge (just make sure that it's not actually Heidi in disguise first).

These are quite as you would imagine:

Lab coat – Lookit, I'm a doctor, leave me alone (or, for the more creative, Marie Curie)

Trench coat – A spy. Adding a beret puts you in a higher effort-lvel category.

A little red hood – You’re -- well, you get the idea with this one…


So, to ask the question we’ve asked every year since the year dot, what are you dressing up as for Hallowe’en? Have you been planning this for weeks or will it be a last minute grab of flashing devil horns? And do you have any ideas to add to the categories above? Tell us in the comments!

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