The year is 2014. All females are identical. Boots, skinny jeans, flowing white top, leather jacket, balayage hair and a Pandora charm bracelet.
Ok, that’s a slight exaggeration but on a serious note, a lot of us have charm bracelets. It’s helpful because birthday and Christmas presents are now completely manageable. Buy the cheapest discounted charm and make up some excuse as to why it’s perfect for your friend. To make life easier, I have written some vague stories that you can tell your friends to cover up your cheap purchase.
- Ghost Charm
Becky, I got you this ghost charm because remember the time we were at the haunted house in Tramore and it was so funny when the lights went out and somebody touched the back of our necks and you threatened to murder them and their entire family if they touched you again? Afterwards we went for a walk on the promenade and there was a really strong wind, the water was so choppy and we looked out onto the sea and could’ve sworn we saw somebody out there, but when we looked again they were gone.
Anyway the charm is to represent the ghost estate we passed on the drive home.
- Corn On The Cob
Clare, I hope you like this corn on the cob charm I’ve gotten you to add to your gorgeous vegetable-themed bracelet. The reason I bought it is to remind you of that time we were in Nando’s and you were trying out the Paleo diet so you ordered a full chicken, chips, garlic bread and a diet Coke? Well, corn on the cob was also on the menu and Michelle and I couldn’t stop laughing because they had misspelled it as ‘corn on the hob’, which reminded us of that time you were cooking and wondering why it was taking ages for the soup to heat up, then you realised you hadn’t turned on the hob. You’re such a feather head, but what a night!
- Magnifying Glass
Síofra, happy birthday! Can’t believe you’re 38 already, where does the time go? Anyway, I’m sure you already know the story behind the magnifying glass charm, but just in case, it’s to remind you of the trip to Paris we went on during Transition Year. We went into a bra shop and you decided to get fitted. The lady in the shop was so uncomfortable because, let's face it, you weren't exactly Pamela Anderson at the time! She had to put on her glasses because she couldn't tell if you were extremely flat-chested, or if two Smints had fallen down your top.
On the way back to the hostel we passed an opticians and I joked that you should ask them to help find your boobs as well! Anyway the magnifying glass represents the film we watched on the flight home - Big. (Tom Hanks, swoon!)
Sarah, I know it’s a bit early, but I really hope you like this inhaler charm for your bracelet. I saw it in the jewellers and had to buy it straight away because it reminded me of you so much!
Remember the time we were doing swimming lessons and you insisted you could hold your breath underwater for at least six minutes and nobody believed you? You tried to prove everyone wrong, even the instructor, classic you. Twenty-six seconds was all you lasted before the instructor had to fish you out with a net. The journey to the hospital was the best craic I’ve ever had, the flashing blue lights reflecting on your already blue face was gas. Raging I didn’t have my camera at the time. Anyway the inhaler is just a little reminder of that awful asthma attack you had at the Christmas nativity play in primary school. Enjoy it!
Please feel free to copy and paste the above anecdotes into an accompanying card with the charm and your place is secured as the best friend in the world.
If you’ve gotten any awful presents, with even more awful excuses for them, get involved and share the stories below - we'd love to hear about the gift disaster you've either given or received!