Oh, it's Monday, again. We simply blinked, and it was Monday again. Fear not, fellow Monday moaners, for we are back with another dose of #MondayMotivation, this time courtesy of one of Ireland's most promising and downright hilarious female comedians - Alison Spittle.
She's here to melt away your woes, give you that get up and go feeling that other Monday haters will want to punch you in the face for, and you'll probably laugh a lot too in the process. Over to you, Alison.
Make sure there is milk in the fridge.
How do you start your week?
I mess around on my phone and follow the conversations I fell asleep reading the night before. Then I give out to myself for spending an hour in bed scrolling through Twitter.
Thank God it's not just us. We don't feel so bad now. Top tips for a Monday?
Make sure there is milk in the fridge.
It's the little things that count. Your Monday fear cure?
Aqua aerobics, it's fun and easy enough.
Ooh, *books aqua aerobics class. The answer to a sh*tty Monday? A sh*tty Tuesday.
At least that's closer to Friday, right? Best life advice?
Cut your toenails straight across.
Worst life advice you've been given and ignored?
"Women don't like hearing other women's voices on the radio" - it's science, a college lecturer once told me.
Best career advice?
"Ask! what's the worst that can happen? A no" - Eleanor Tiernan taught me that one.
Tell us about an experience when somebody said, in so many words, that you probably couldn't achieve what you want to, but then you did it anyway.
A salty promoter swore at me and jibed me about not playing the Laughter Lounge; he said I never would, the next week I was booked in for a night at the Laughter Lounge. I did a little evil laugh when I got that email.
Bastard. Tell us about a time you made a mistake, big or small, and how you picked yourself up afterwards and learned from it?
In comedy, you make tiny mistakes the whole time. It's like Tetris; all you see is your mistakes but it makes you better for next time.
Favourite curse word?
The f-word; it's a classic. It feel's percussive in your mouth.
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Song you'll definitely dance to when nobody's looking?
Amerie - 'One Thing'
When you're really pissed off you're most likely to buy... a three in one.
And that's the sound of our bellies rumbling. Your go-to quote when you're lacking in motivation?
My greatest pain in life is that I will never be able to see myself perform live - Kanye West
Your secret ingredients for motivation?
I placebo myself with Berocca and the imagined rage of my enemies.
Mondays aren't the worst because... you're alive.
What are you doing that's good for your brain?
I'm not doing drugs or drinking too much. I listen to 99% Invisible too; it's a fantastic podcast.
Book that you'll always return to, and why?
Any Adrian Mole book, Sue Townsend is the funniest writer.
What makes you feel good, that doesn't cost a penny?
Cycling to my boyfriend's house in Clontarf when the wind is at my back and the sun is shining.
A dinner dish that could make any Monday bearable?
Pesto chicken rice bake. My mam makes it, better but I try.
Your top 3 comforts?
Making Soup, listening to Yeezus, getting my scalp rubbed.
Guilty pleasure?
Celebrity Big Brother. I often watch top Big Brother rows on YouTube or fights in fast food restaurants.
Each to their own. When life gives you lemons... be thankful lemons are tasty and prevent scurvy.
Favourite online destinations when you need a pick-me-up?
I look at Mustard Cream's feed on Twitter. She's a don.
If you could urge women to read one piece of writing, what would it be and why?
"I rewatched Love Actually and am here to ruin it for all" - Lindy West is hilarious and right.
Life motto?
F*ck it, it'll do.
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For more of Alison's musings follow her on Twitter here.
Photo credit: Conor O'Toole
