Cheating is arguably one of the worst forms of betrayal of someone’s trust.
Being cheated on can only be compared to someone cutting your heart out, kicking it around a few times, throwing it to their dog to play with and then offering it back to you. It’s a feeling that people who have been cheated on in the past will never forget.
When someone you love and trust betrays you, it brings a whole new kind of a pain to your life. The act of cheating leaves you questioning everything about your relationship and ruminating over what happened again and again. Your mind swirls with continuous thoughts of your love with someone else, and that shit hurts; it hurts bad.
If you are currently in the aftermath of being cheated on, you have come to the right place. Having been there myself, I can promise you it does get better. As much as it feels like your life as you know it has ended, it truly does get better in time, and you will come out the other side stronger than ever. Through my own experience, I have learnt some valuable lessons that I’m going to share with you. Hopefully, these will help ease the pain slightly and help you move past this shit time.
After finding out you have been cheated on, your mind goes to thousands of different places. Yesterday everything in your relationship seemed all dandy, and today it has shattered into a million pieces. Being cheated on can leave you feeling extremely vulnerable and even unlovable. Part of you may try to convince yourself to stay with your cheating partner and work through it; however, let me assure you this rarely works out. If someone has betrayed your trust, it’s challenging to move past this no matter how much you want to stay. You don’t want to live a life where you are on edge every time your significant other goes on a night out without you or chats about a co-worker a bit too much. Unless you are fully convinced it was a total once-off with no chance of it happening again, do yourself a favour and walk away from the situation.
Their behaviour isn’t a reflection on you
It’s easy to go down a rabbit hole of what you could have done differently to stop your partner from cheating. But the truth of the matter is, you could have done absolutely feck all. The only reason your partner cheated was that they wanted to; they didn’t spare you a second thought in doing so. Their behaviour is a reflection on them and their self-esteem issues. They are the ones that felt the need to look for external validation outside your relationship. Don’t for a second think that you caused this to happen – you hear me! So, hold your head high and don’t ever be ashamed that this happened to you.
Don’t ask for deets
Believe me, when I say, you don’t need to know any of the nitty-gritty details. As much as you may think you want to know the ins and outs of what happened, you definitely don’t need to. You know that your partner cheated and that is all you need to know. Finding out where it took place, if they enjoyed it, do they have feelings, and what does the other person have that you don’t will not make you feel any better. Fishing for these details only adds insult to injury and something you can do without.
Don’t blame the other woman
When you’re hurting, it’s easy to lash out at the other woman or man. Sometimes sending that angry text can make us feel momentary better; however, it won’t in the long wrong. The truth of the matter is, you weren’t in a relationship with this person; you gave your trust to your boyfriend or girlfriend, and they are the ones that betrayed you, not the person they cheated on you with. No good will come of blaming the person you weren’t in a relationship with. If anything, it leaves your cheating fella off the hook.
All this being said, I do realise that things can get messy when the person they cheated with is a friend or acquaintance, as it can feel like a double whammy of betrayal. In this instance, you have my blessing to blame both.
Don’t let this turn you off love
Being cheated on can turn even the biggest romantic off falling in love again, but don’t let this happen. While you will definitely need some space to be by yourself for a while after being cheated on, don’t let this experience rule your love life. Unfortunately, these experiences happen daily, and usually, they happen to change the direction our life is taking. Take this shitty experience and learn from it and try to remain open in the future to being vulnerable and falling in love again. Use being cheated on as a tool to value yourself more in future relationships and to recognise behaviours you won't put up with.