A perfect storm of somewhat nasty events I witnessed or heard about recently got me thinking about some of the tougher things that we, as women in modern Ireland, face today. I suppose it's what my mother would call 'our crosses'.
Now, don’t get me wrong, there’s a lot to be thankful for. We’ve certainly come a long way since the not-so-distant past when women had to go to a different country to smuggle in the Pill, or leave their Civil Service jobs after they got married. But there are still so many things standing shamefacedly in the way of equality that it’s deeply infuriating at times.
Plenty of people will read this and immediately think ‘check your privilege’. Yes, I am a white, middle-class woman who lives in a country where it is acceptable for women to receive a university education, drive a car, vote and a myriad other things. And yes, that obviously makes me better off than those women who suffer through genital mutilation, live in war-torn countries or regions where they can be executed for being raped.
Relativity of suffering is important to be mindful of in any discussion around gender equality, but that relativity does not render injustices moot purely because there are other, grander injustices in the world.
So I’m going to carry on with this piece, conscious of both my privileges and my problems, if that’s alright with you, Internet.
- There are no ‘bad’ victims…
…Or at least there shouldn’t be. I recently watched a Facebook discussion unfold and then quickly unravel into eye gouging and hair pulling, in the metaphoric-internet sense of course. A woman I knew from my university days made a bold statement against the reclamation of the word ‘slut’ by various feminist movements. Her comment on Facebook argued against the provocative clothing used and worn by the anti-slut-shaming movement on the grounds that (and I’m paraphrasing – but not as much as you might think) if you dip yourself in honey and run naked into the woods, it’s not the bear’s fault if he eats you.
Hundreds of comments followed (yes, I read them all, because of course I did), some pro and some vehemently against these sentiments. And I just thought to myself – this is an absolute nonsense. Why is this type of abhorrent thinking still a part of our world?
- Maternity by-your-leave
One of my very favourite woman crushes is Beyoncé, who is of course championing the ‘Ban Bossy’ campaign. I'm speaking the language of Sheryl Sandberg and Sinéad O' Connor here when I say “I’m not bossy. I’m the boss”.
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As someone who is herself trying to navigate an early career, I see more and more the inequality that is so inherent to the office. At a recent networking event, I was chatting with two fellow female attendees. The subject matter was a particular department in their workplace, and its high percentage of pregnancies. Ribald jokes about not sitting on the same seats for fear of falling pregnant themselves etc. etc. followed. Even worse was the implicit attitude that followed towards the women who’d been on maternity leave. They were lazy, they couldn’t wait to get pregnant again, they were leaving the workload to others.
Needless to say, I was fairly taken aback. But this attitude is part of a much larger problem, the same one that means that married or engaged female friends of mine take off their rings when walking into job interviews.
- The shelf is still a thing
I’m in my late twenties, and I have noticed a staggering increase in the amount of questions I get about my “love life” (where previously I would have been asked about my degree, or how my job was going). It’s like a switch flipped, and I became close to sell-by-date. You know, while I grow dusty on the shelf all women are supposed to fear…
But far worse is the baby question. A close friend has been trying for a baby with her husband for a couple of years now. She has called me from the cubicle bathrooms in her work in tears after someone has insensitively thought to say “You’re next!” when word has been broken about a fellow colleague’s pregnancy. She told me she felt like screaming “I’m bloody trying!” at the top of her lungs. And would anyone ever ask a man?
- A woman’s right to choose
Call it Repeal the Eighth, call it the pro-Choice movement - abortion has been in the forefront of Irish minds for some time now. Most recently, the discussion around abortion has been centred on termination in the event of a fatal foetal abnormality, thanks to Clare Daly who has brought a bill to the floor of the Dáil on this. Some of you may have heard and watched the BBC3 documentary that followed women to Britain to have their pregnancies terminated. Some of you will have shed tears, as I did. Hearing from these couples, hearing about the bleak Ryanair flight seated next to hens and stags after they’ve terminated a much-loved, much-wanted pregnancy was heart-breaking. This plight is faced by many women each year, and it strikes me as an inhumane to force couples to go through.
Why does the law treat women like uteruses with legs attached?
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I don’t have the solutions to these problems, but I do sometimes worry that by not addressing them, by not mentioning them at all, I will quite simply explode.
What do you think? Do you disagree with any of the worries that play on my mind? Or do you have any more to add to the list? Let us know in the comments.
