A '90s revival too far: Tooth gems are back

There are some aspects of the ongoing '90s revival that I'm quite happy to get on board with: neons (especially in nail polish form), denim shirts (nice ones, mind), and listening to Jagged Little Pill on repeat when I'm feeling angsty (I missed out on Alanis Morisette first time around due to an all-consuming Oasis obsession.) And then there are the things that should have been left in a pile to be torched in 1999, like dungarees, actual matching-tops-and-bottoms tracksuits, and jelly shoes.

In the last week, I have seen real live people wearing all of these things (not together, although that would have been hilarious) and most of them looked old enough to have lived through The Decade That Fashion Forgot the first time around and, therefore, should have known better.

The '90s also gave us some questionable beauty trends - The Rachel, brown lipstick, wearing your hair in tiny knots all over your head - and it's my sorry duty to report that a dodgy '90s beauty accessory  is making a stealthy comeback.

Tooth gems are small, glittering, usually Swarovski rhinestones that are secured to a tooth with a special dental bonding adhesive, and lately I've noticed signs in dentists and salons offering to stick them in your gob for a small fee (if you're interested, apparently they last about a year with normal eating/drinking/brushing/feeling the protruding gem with your tongue.)

I thought this was just out of touch business owners thinking they were being all cool and down with the kids, so I smiled wryly at the notices in the waiting rooms and went back to my out of date magazines. And then I started noticing them EVERYWHERE. Or that's how it's felt. Honestly, I can't remember the last time a waitress or shop assistant or random girl on the street smiled at me without flashing at least one pimped-out gnasher.

Is it slowly trickling down from celebrity culture? Ke$ha and P!nk are fond of a (relatively) subtle single sparkler, while Lana Del Rey has been snapped in recent months with, God help us, blingy tooth caps that are gold, silver, or jewel encrusted on one of her canines.


Captain Jack Sparrow called, Lana. He wants his gold tooth back. Captain Jack Sparrow called; he wants his tooth back.


Maybe it's because I spent 7 years of my adult life with permanent mouth accessories in the form of upper and lower train tracks glued to my teeth, but however this trend was revived, All I Really Want (sorry, sorry) is for it to die a permanent death before it gets any bigger.

What do you reckon to it?

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