Fifteen Things You're Guaranteed to Hear In Work This January

Heading back to work after the Christmas holidays is always a difficult task. The harsh realisation that our nearest bank holiday is an unfathomable TEN weeks away has just set in. Depressingly, all we have to look forward to is Easter, which quite frankly can be considered as Christmas' awkward cousin.

Yes, everyone is a bit glum and there's a lot of chit-chat and self-assurance going on around the office. We need something to make this transition bearable.

Hence, I have devised 'Back To Work Blather Bingo' (the title might need some work, forgive me). Simply keep an ear out for some of these things that you may have already heard and can expect to hear this month:

  • "Detox starts tomorrow. Have to get rid of all the sweets in the house first. By eating them, obviously."
  • "Honest to God, none of my clothes fit me. I didn't even eat that much over Christmas! I must've washed them too high or something."
  • "No more Friday treats now guys. That's the end of it, all we want is a fruit basket and maybe some nuts but ONLY the unsalted ones."
  • "Can't remember any of my login passwords. Does anyone remember what my first pet was called? I think it was Fluffy?"

Made In Chelsea You wha'? SWEETS? In JANUARY? Ah, go on so, may as well finish 'em off...
  • "What gym do you go to? Is it good? I must start going because my arse is the size of a Kardashian. No, not just the bum part, the ENTIRE Kardashian."
  • "Celery is actually negative calories. Apparently you burn more calories chewing it than it actually contains. So basically if you eat a stick of celery after a KitKat, you're fine."
  • "Have you booked any holidays yet? I'm keeping an eye out. All the best deals are around now. Early bird and all that!"
  • "When's the next bank holiday? Will someone look it up there?"
  • "Let's leave our Christmas decorations up an extra week. Sure the tree hasn't turned brown yet. Well not the front of it anyway!"
  • "Just checked my bank balance. My financial situation has been upgraded from dire to critical."
  • "I drank so much over Christmas. I'd nearly look into getting a new liver."

white wine

  • "Dry January. That's it now. Only on the weekends am I allowed a drink. Maybe once during the weeknights too."
  • "The kids got too much for Christmas. I had to hide half of it for their birthdays. The selection boxes will be gone off but that's their own fault for asking for so much."
  • "I've been dieting since yesterday, why am I not thin yet? This is ludicrous, I give up."
  • "Pity she didn't get a new personality for Christmas, wouldn't that have been as good for her as one of those fancy juicers."

glowing green smoothie

Feel free to play 'Back To Work Blather Bingo' with the above list, simply tick off each phrase as you hear it. When you've collected them all, congratulations! You have achieved quite a bit for 2015 already, so reward yourself by breaking your resolutions immediately.

What have we missed out on? There's undoubtedly a lot being said in offices worldwide that we've omitted. Leave your overheard antics below, we'd love to hear them!

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