There are probably only two types of people in the world as far as this post is concerned: those who think this business of dying your carpet is the height of madness, and those who are only feckin' dying to give it a go.
Now, I'm firmly in the "hey, it's your fandango, what you decide to do with it is okey doke with me" camp when it comes to grooming the vajayjay area. Are you into Brazilians and Hollywoods? Tiffany boxes? Gold glittery strikes of lightening? Stick-on Swarovski crystal yokes? Do you prefer just a swimsuit-friendly tidy-up, thanksvermuch? Or would you rather have things au natural? It's your own choice, lookit, and that's cool and the gang with me.
While I'm usually a plain ol' Brazilian girl (ah, if only I had the lustrous locks and olive skin to go with my waxing preference!) I have been absolutely hanging to try Betty Beauty since I first heard about the stuff away back in 2006. It is, as the product tagline runs, "colour for the hair down there", is a semi-permanent dye, and is available in black, brown, blonde, and auburn, for those who want to cover greys or coordinate collar and cuffs. There are also hot pink, lilac, and turquoise versions available, for anyone not too concerned about matching their muff to their mane.
Since I'd experimented with a heady mixture of Jolen bleach (yes, I know you're not supposed to use it there and yes, it did sting like I was being flayed) and a pot of Shocking Pink Stargazer dye from Ad Hoc in Temple Bar (equally not intended for use down below) in college, I knew exactly which one I wanted when I finally came face to face with a rack of Betty Beauty dyes in Ricky's on a trip to New York.
Since it's now available here and I finally got around to using it in the last couple of days, what did I make of it?
Well, it's time consuming, I'll tell you that much. There's a lightener and developing creme combo to be mixed with a spatula in a tray and applied in upward strokes with what looks like an over-sized mascara wand. Then once the hair is bleached, that mixture's rinsed off, and colour is combed on.
Between waiting for the lightener to take and then hanging about while the colour develops, the whole thing took me about an hour. The instructions say that you can speed things up by applying a bit of clingfilm once the lightening cream or colour have been applied and using a hairdryer on a low heat section for five or 10 minutes. Excellent idea in theory.
Like many of you, however, I have a 2400 watt professional hairdryer and the power of the lowest setting would be fairly similar to the breeze generated by a Category Five hurricane, so my bits of clingfilm spent more time flapping off across the room than helping to accelerate my Betty beautifying.
The kit is easy to use, with foolproof instructions and non-drip lotions and potions, and by my reckoning there's about enough product in it for two or three dye jobs. And there's no stinging sensation or any discomfort to report. But the end result isn't quite as vibrant as I'd hoped, which is very disappointing given how bloody long the whole process took.
Maybe I'll just go with some stick-on Swarovskis the next time I get a notion to fancy up my fandango...
Urban Wax on Suffolk Street and Carrig Beauty & Skin Clinic in Bray stock Betty Beauty.