Driclor Solution: I'd Rather Eat Glass Rinsed In Arsenic


Between having to leg it for the train every shaggin' morning and afternoon temperatures reaching heady heights of 14 or 15 degrees Celcius lately, I've been finding that my old reliable Mitchum deodorant just isn't quite up to scratch. So, taking my cue from the recommendations youz guyz have been making, I toddled off and kitted myself out with some Driclor.

For anyone who's not familiar with the stuff, it's a roll-on anti-perspirant for the treatment of excessive sweating. You apply it at night, wash it off in the morning, and use your regular deodorant as usual. After 1 or 2 weeks, you're supposed to notice that you're sweating less, but I can't actually give Driclor a "Yay" or "Nay" on that front because I was only able to use it for 3 nights.

"Driclor can cause temporary stinging and irritation in some people", sez the leaflet - some people, I reasoned, with sensitive skin or who'd recently shaven. Since I've a hide like a rhino and my underarm hair was rapidly approaching the length of a yak's fringe, I reckoned I'd be safe enough.



Driclor made my armpits feel like Satan was stoking the fires of hell in them and lashing Man O' War jellyfish onto  any surfaces that weren't sufficiently scorching. I spent the first and second nights with the bedroom window open, trying to go asleep with my hands behind my head to let the cooling air soothe my scalded underarms.

On the third night, I resorted to working my way along the top of the duvet, trying to get that "other side of the pillow" effect for my pits because the cold air just wasn't cold enough to give any relief. After a couple of hours, Himself said "I think you should really wash that stuff off." Not quite that simple, apparantly: three trips to the bathroom later, the stinging still hadn't abated, so I rinsed some facecloths in freezing water to dampen the fires of hell and eventually managed to drift into a very uncomfortable sleep.

Definitely not for me!

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