Mammy is back. She's been staying at your Auntie Glenda's in Dingle and now she's back to judge your life choices with a combination of love, irritation, and total disdain. Mammy has previously advised on long weekend packing, and navigating the odyssey of airport hand luggage, though I don't think she'd put it like that. She's here to advise you on homemade skincare because she's the queen of thrift - why spend lots of money when you can treat skin with things you have lying around the kitchen? Anyway, here she is. She's your problem now; I'm going for a cup of tea...
Mother o' GAWD there's an awful bite in the weather these days. It's a plague on my bad hip, but then I never complain so I don't get a SCREED of notice from you. Are you still seeing that oul' lout of a fella over beyond? Ah yeah, he's the use of himself now alright, that fella.
And sure don't I remember young Michael Lally from down the road wanting to court you when you were younger? He's a LOVELY boy. He's an accountant now, you know. Now for you. He never got over you, the poor lad. He's been living with a foreign lad named Benicio for years now. The bachelor life, I s'pose. Tragic really. Never got over you...
Now I've heard you're wasting money on skin creams and the like, and me and your father eating nothing but soup up to Christmas so we can afford enough roast potatoes for all thirty-seven grandchildren on the day. I won't have anyone saying I can't put on a good spread. I'm using up what's left in the cupboards, and so should you. Sure didn't I make your father a gorgeous stew out of a stir-in sauce I found in the drawer where we keep the screwdrivers last Wednesday? Pack said it went off in 1998; that'll show you now!
Your kitchen is only crammed with ingredients you can use to make a lovely face mask. If you have any of the below ingredients in the house, you can mix them with any other from my list and make a nice mask for yourself. Sure where would you be goin'?
Now don't even start to try to begin to think about putting anything on your face that you're allergic to. Sure you'll never find a husband with a big swollen head on you! So be careful, and if in doubt, don't do it!
We didn't have these in the '80s, I'll tell you that much. You'd be lucky if you'd a green spud to eat, let alone these fancy fruits. That said, they're jammed with Omega Oils which keep your skin in brilliant condition and moisturise it from the inside out. Wait till the avocado is ripe, mash half with a fork, chuck it on your face. Job done. You can mash it with any of the below ingredients to make an even more potent mask. And sure you can eat the other half while you wait for it to work!
Now, I'll bet you didn't know this, but strawberries are a brilliant natural source of glycolic acid. Now for you - are you impressed I knew that? *Points to head, then feet* Up here for thinkin', down there for dancin'.
Glycolic acid is a brilliant chemical exfoliator. Course, in my day we'd just rub a bit of grit into our faces to soften them up. But sure there's all manner of high filutin' stuff these days.
Just cut the strawberry in half and rub it over a cleansed face - the juice will do its thing. Or, you can mash the strawberry and add it to something else, like mashed avocado.
You can't get better than honey. Sure didn't you used to eat it out of the pot when I wasn't looking when you were small? I'd be cutting the honey out of your hair, so I would. You were never very sharp, bless you, but you've a LOVELY singing voice, so you do.
Honey is a natural anti-bacterial, so it makes a brilliant mask for when you have a bit of a spot situation going on. It's also very moisturising and will calm swelling. You can mix it with strawberries for an exfoliating mask, or with avocado for extra moisture.
Bananas are very rich in vitamins A, B and E. They're great for skin if you eat them, but they're brilliant mashed up and placed on the skin. If you mix it with a bit of mashed avocado and some honey, you'll have a super mask. It won't look or smell great, but it'll do you good!
Lemons are high in Vitamin C and they have an antibacterial effect. Rather than putting neat lemon juice on your skin, mix a couple of teaspoons in with a mashed avocado or banana mask. It's better to mix an astringent like lemon with something moisturising to keep your skin balanced.
I love old fashioned olive oil. You can grease hinges, fry chips and moisturise with it, but any good oil will make a nice addition to your mask. Groundnut is good too, but sure 'tis far from groundnut oil you were reared...
Two teaspoons of oil mixed with half a mashed banana will soften and soothe your skin nicely. It's also nice by itself. You'll save money AND you won't be shaming me going around the place with a face like a hippo's bum.
What are your favourite homemade skincare ingredients? Share with us in the comments!